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December 21, 2013 / ginavoskov2013

Home for the holidays.

This Christmas we are in Vermont. We are always in Vermont for Christmas, so this is no different from normal, but this year, of course, we have Edie and I’ll go on record saying that I purchased more for her than I did my husband, even though I know all she will really enjoy are the ribbons and bits of tape.

But she has to have little Minnetonka shearling booties. And an illustrated copy of The Secret Garden. And all the other things she won’t be conscious that she owns until she’s 7 and sees them in photos. But that’s okay. This is her first Christmas and, as such, she deserves everything. Also, I justified all of those purchases by remembering it is her first Christmas.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and what I want to say is that my breasts will never, ever be the same after breastfeeding. They have sunk a full two inches down the length of my torso and, as I explained to a friend of mine earlier this week, they look like deflated whoopie cushions. I’m afraid I won’t ever want to wear low-cut tops because there is literally no cleavage. Not that I had any to begin with but they were high and young. Motherhood hasn’t exactly aged me but it sure has aged my boobs and that’s not a thrilling revelation.

Pregnancy and childbirth do a number on your body, and bouncing back from all of that is equally troubling to watch. I say watch because apart from the three miles I ran back in August when I thought I’d get back into running, I haven’t lifted a finger in the name of fitness. So watching my body figure itself out after all that beautiful nonsense is painful. I have hormones like a teenage boy–and not the sexy hormones, I’m talking the pimply kind. Awesome. Also, after a six-month period of post-partum hair loss, wherein I was pulling clumps of hair from my scalp during every shower session, I think I’m back to normal. It was terrifying, and while I’d heard that the cocktail of ridiculous pregnancy hormones would ravish the least expected parts of my body, nothing prepared me for watching the better part of my head wash down the drain everyday.
Also: no muscle tone except for my biceps and that’s because I’ve been carrying around 7-15 pounds of wiggly flesh for 7-15 hours a day. I love the idea of getting back in shape but I honestly have no idea how to do it. And don’t tell me to do some aerobics in my living room. A) it’s just never going to happen, and B) it will never happen.
Oh, also? If you’re my husband, and I tell you casually that my boobs are weird now and you respond, “Well, all you have to do is, you know, get back into shape. Boobs are muscles and you can get them into shape!” then you need to be ready for some long, cold silences and dead eyes when you try to make eye contact with me.

So we are up in Vermont and I’m thrilled to be spending so much time here. We have been up twice before, but only for a few days. Edie is a notoriously terrible sleeper when we travel so I’m both bracing myself for sleepless nights and trying to get her used to sleeping outside our home. Last night she had two wake-ups, which is one more than normal, so we are off to a good start; however, every time I talk about her good sleep she sinks into a period of shitty sleep so let’s forget we ever had this talk.

Dennis has made me a glass of egg nog with bourbon. This is how I intend to get back into shape.

PS: When I read this to Dennis, he said, “we can do a workout tomorrow if we are stuck inside!” I said, “Did you not just hear what I read?” And he said, “Yes! It was a cry for help!”



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  1. meeshie / Dec 21 2013 8:36 pm

    Edie is cute enough to be worth a little boob sagging 😛 Still, I know how you feel. I keep saying I’m going to start running again but then.. all day with baby.. and I’m tired.. and.. (insert more excuses here). I need a running buddy or something to keep me on track. Ugh.

    • ginavoskov2013 / Dec 23 2013 11:55 am

      I only get super motivated when I see pictures of myself. Haven’t seen many recently since I’m the one taking the pictures all the time.

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